How many of you have no friends?

[TobyC]

For those with a short attention span, it looks like the essence is:
1. get a divorce
2. get off the effin' internet fora.
3. talk to actual people.

Shit.

1. My wife actually supports my shaving "hobby" and buys me stuff.
2. and 3. I talk to actual people on the effin' internet fora.

 

[Steve Bowles]

Most men face this dilemma at some point in their lives. As husbands we relinquish our friends to accommodate our wives. When we no longer have our wives we may well find ourselves dog-paddling in a sea of loneliness. But the truth of the matter is that we do have friends -- every "jack tar" on this forum is a friend, even if that friendship is a 'virtual' one. I don't know if the act of shaving is a bond strong enough to allay the absence of intelligent conversation, or physical interaction, but it seems to me that if we knew where each other lived, and we were close enough, a monthly meal at a local pub would do wonders for our mental health. Sooner, or later, old geezers have to come together if for no other reason than to lie about our youth, and gossip about what gay bar @Wayne was last seen frequenting.

 

[Wayne]

Most men face this dilemma at some point in their lives. As husbands we relinquish our friends to accommodate our wives. When we no longer have our wives we may well find ourselves dog-paddling in a sea of loneliness. But the truth of the matter is that we do have friends -- every "jack tar" on this forum is a friend, even if that friendship is a 'virtual' one. I don't know if the act of shaving is a bond strong enough to allay the absence of intelligent conversation, or physical interaction, but it seems to me that if we knew where each other lived, and we were close enough, a monthly meal at a local pub would do wonders for our mental health. Sooner, or later, old geezers have to come together if for no other reason than to lie about our youth, and gossip about what gay bar @Wayne was last seen frequenting.

The New Penny Leeds @Steve

 

[Deleted member 1881]

For those with a short attention span, it looks like the essence is:
1. get a divorce
2. get off the effin' internet fora.
3. talk to actual people.

3. So, Wayne is a robot??

 

[Steve Bowles]

3. So, Wayne is a robot??

Have you ever seen him in person?

 

[slapo]

Have you ever seen him in person?

Quickly mods, change his "Forum Sod" to "Forum Bot". ;-)

 

[TheChrisC]

I’m sure I speak for all in saying there is always an ear to bend on here. Sorry for your loss too, I understand all about that. Between me and Mrs Saint I just have my mum, someone I don’t get on that well with, brother is a favourite. Lost my father in law, lovely bloke, ages ago, lost my mother in law, lovely lady 14 years ago yesterday. My old man, well he was a miserable old fart. Don’t talk to my brother too. They say the loss of a close one gets better with the years but you still miss them especially at Christmas.

But I have a lovely wife, Son is a good lad and a wonderful daughter.

Take care.

Thank you mate, that’s kind of you. Losses do seem to become amplified around Christmas. I should be grateful though as I spent last Christmas entirely alone and this year I do have Dad in good stable condition.

 

[Deleted member 1881]

Quickly mods, change his "Forum Sod" to "Forum Bot". ;-)

That was a good one.

 

[Wayne]

Here I am

 

[Deleted member 1881]

 

[Batch300]

Well said @p.b

+1

Most men face this dilemma at some point in their lives. As husbands we relinquish our friends to accommodate our wives. When we no longer have our wives we may well find ourselves dog-paddling in a sea of loneliness. But the truth of the matter is that we do have friends -- every "jack tar" on this forum is a friend, even if that friendship is a 'virtual' one. I don't know if the act of shaving is a bond strong enough to allay the absence of intelligent conversation, or physical interaction, but it seems to me that if we knew where each other lived, and we were close enough, a monthly meal at a local pub would do wonders for our mental health. Sooner, or later, old geezers have to come together if for no other reason than to lie about our youth, and gossip about what gay bar @Wayne was last seen frequenting.

another +1

I can relate to divorce. I was lucky and had some good work friends and tend to make friends easily. Biggest issue is divorce can change a person in a negative manner - often only visible to friends and colleagues.

 

[Batch300]

Here I am

View attachment 60151

@Wayne - trouble shaving under the nose ?

 

[Wayne]

@Steve Bowles - great thread and thanks for having the bollocks to write something as personal as this. I've though long and hard about how to respond to this thread because I know that some might misinterpret what I've written and will discount it because they will think I'm being an peanut. That's no how it's meant.

There seems to be two responses to this thread: 1- no real close friends but I'm OK with that. 2- I've no real close friends and I'm NOT OK with that. This is for the second lot and a precautionary tale for the first.


Gentlemen, get a grip. This is your life and only you are responsible for living it.

I'm in the middle of a divorce and like many men my social life (well anything outside of work) had eroded to simply being an extension of my (ex)wife's life (who didn't have to work (but she does now - hahahaha) and so could be the family social secretary). When that safety blanket was pulled out from under me it was a hell of a shock and there was no-one to go to the pub with outside of a few work-colleagues. In effect I had no life outside of work and one day I'm going to retire, and what then? [I have two very good friends, one in Denmark and the other 150 miles away so I rarely get to see them.]

We have a choice in life: accept what we're given, or try and change / improve what we are given.

If you are unhappy at being lonely then put the work into not being lonely. Join the Masons; find a Men's Shed https://menssheds.org.uk/ or create your own; join a club you used to do when you were younger (so what if you can't play football like you did when you were 30, be the club treasurer (no-one wants to do that job)); volunteer at a nature reserve; help rebuild a train; help the homeless; but please, PLEASE, don't accept that because you're lonely now you have to remain lonely. It's a choice you make everyday. I'm sure that you're busy doing other stuff called 'life' but this is also your life and we make time for the things we think are important, so make this important.

I hope this helps someone.

As I said @p.b. Get out there, there is a whole world of things to do and people happy to help you do it and join you.

 

[Wayne]

Do you know what stops friendship more than anything else in these modern times? Phones and P.C's put both down and go for a walk to a pub say Ey up mate, how's it going? To someone, you may be surprised how easy a friendship is to make when you try. I'm lucky, I've never been backward coming forward but shyness is a prison to some.

 

[Burgundy]

There are some really thought-provoking posts here. I’m guilty of using a demanding job and a young family to mask the fact that I’m losing closeness to existing friends and missing new social opportunities.

I do have some very good friends - one of my longest and dearest and her husband are staying over between Christmas and New Year - but distance has eroded closeness. In typical millennial snowflake fashion, since our mid-twenties we’ve moved all over the country/globe and no longer live in each others’ pockets. I don’t currently have anyone local who I could pick up the phone and meet in the pub in 20 minutes but that’s something I have on my list to change.