Any good jokes?
- Thread starter Merkurologist
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Vacumatic
Testy
A side effect effect of the Lockdown is that the safari parks are having a wild animal population explosion, it is thought that the big cats in particular used to enjoy watching the cars and people as much as the people enjoyed the lions, so now they 'get romantic' to fill their days.
One Head Keeper noticed that the lions were busy much more than usual, 'We have started putting contraceptive pills in the meat for the lioness, it is sometimes difficult to make sure that the female eats the correct chunk of beef and also the side effect is that it seems to make them grumpy'.
'We tried other methods first of all including putting a sheath on the lion but even Mad Dave said he wasn't keen on that idea'.
One Head Keeper noticed that the lions were busy much more than usual, 'We have started putting contraceptive pills in the meat for the lioness, it is sometimes difficult to make sure that the female eats the correct chunk of beef and also the side effect is that it seems to make them grumpy'.
'We tried other methods first of all including putting a sheath on the lion but even Mad Dave said he wasn't keen on that idea'.
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Paper Plane
Forum GOD!
steve
chrisbd
Forum GOD!
Today marks 3 weeks of isolation with a 4 mile walk each day. No sugar, no meat, dairy or flour. Also zero alcohol! The change has been fantastic! I feel great! A healthy vegan diet, gluten free, sugar free and as well as a walk, 1 hour each evening on an exercise bike! So far have lost 30 lbs of fat and gained muscle mass.
I have no idea whose information this is, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
I have no idea whose information this is, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
les24preludes
Forum GOD!
OK, I have a sick sense of humour, but this Levi ad was better than anything from Gillette...... (and taken off air much faster due to public protests)
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCzsEgUcWfU
Vacumatic
Testy
Just had an email from work, 'when Lockdown is lifted we will be conducting back to work interviews with HR to show that you have had made good use of your time and also that your work skills remain sharp. It is hoped that you have managed to improve in ways that will be of benefit to your job'
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Wayne
Forum Sod
I have been married for 30 years, in all that time I have only asked one thing of my wife, never look in the shoe box under the bed.
the other day she came to me and said Darling, I have a confession, I know you asked me not to look in the box under the bed and I never have until yesterday. I was hoovering and knocked off the lid and saw the contents. 3 golf balls and a thousand pounds.
I said don’t worry, you did your best it isn’t important. I forgive you.
She said Darling, I’m have to ask about the golf balls?
I said it’s simple, everytime I have been unfaithful to you I put a ball in the box to remind me of my unfaithfulness.
she said 3 times in 30 years I can forgive, what about the thousand pounds though?
I said , well everytime I got a dozen I sold them.
the other day she came to me and said Darling, I have a confession, I know you asked me not to look in the box under the bed and I never have until yesterday. I was hoovering and knocked off the lid and saw the contents. 3 golf balls and a thousand pounds.
I said don’t worry, you did your best it isn’t important. I forgive you.
She said Darling, I’m have to ask about the golf balls?
I said it’s simple, everytime I have been unfaithful to you I put a ball in the box to remind me of my unfaithfulness.
she said 3 times in 30 years I can forgive, what about the thousand pounds though?
I said , well everytime I got a dozen I sold them.
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